tis is just not me..

i am just not myself nowadaes
i am just not feeling e way i should
i feel tt i am e total opp of wat i used 2 b
i feel tt i am a hypocrite..like wat some ppl actually said abt me
i thot i can prove em wrong
i thot i wont change so easily unlike some ppl
but i tink wat those ppl said abt me being hypocritical is soo true..
but i tink tt i actually change soo much..more -vely than +vely..
i may have hav changed soo much more -vely than i hav imagined
i may even hav become a dread/thorn in e flesh/dirt/slime/anything tt is gross/disgusting/dirty etc etc etc 2 everyone whom i hav met..
i guess i am actually meant 2 b like those things mentioned above..
i guess i am supposed 2 b a lone freak ostracised/disliked/hated by others..
i put on a pretence..being someone else instead of being juz me..
i put on a mask..pretending 2 b someone "nice" n entertaining..
i assumed tt by doing so can please more ppl..mayb even make more frens..
i assumed tt i can make myself happy by making ppl laugh like crazy at my super lame jokes
but i tink i ended up pissing more ppl off..getting offended at my jokes
but i tink tt is when e phrases"empty vessel makes e most noise" n "silence is golden"are TOTALLY true..
so i tink i should juz control my horrible mouth n SHUT UP(or mayb talk less 4 a start)..
so i tink i should juz heck care n show others who i really am..
tt is e way i am supposed 2 b..silent..not humourous n entertaining..etc..etc..etc
tt should b e way i am meant 2 lead my lone life..get stuck in my own world n shut myself off from others..
who cares a darn abt my life anyway???
who cares if i am a loner or not..cos everyone else will b leading their own lives wif their own frens n families..n i dun hav e rite 2 interfere wif their lives..
i juz cannot trust anyone..not even those whor close 2 me(sorry 2 those whom i hav offended in some way or another)
i juz cannot b someone else..i am sick n tired of having 2 act a totally diff person..i wan 2 stop all tis pretence n be myself..
i wan 2 snap out of my moooody mood n lead life e way i wan it..
i wan 2 stop always being in a horribly baaaad mood becos i am upset of trying 2 tink of ways 2 make ppl happy n not being satisfied later cos i juz cant constantly please them..it is simply draining away my time n effort..
i wish i can juz go 2 some quiet n high place far far away n SCREAM!!(n of course admire e beautiful sceneries at e bottom)
i wish i could do wat i always wanted 2 do..like curling at a cosy corner of my room n make cute n pretty handicrafts instead of always getting cooped up in sch or at home mugging everydae n getting stressed up by lousy results or heavy workload or e too-fast pace as a result..provided if i got a choice n unlimited time..0 opp cost of time tt is..(actually i am ok wif studying provided if i am allowed 2 study at my own pace..lol..since when i hav become a study freak??!!oh no!!)
in short,i dun care if ppl like me e way i am or not..
in short,i wan 2 stop bearing e burden of being someone else..cos now i am getting REALLY tired n upset abt not being me
haizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..x(