life is juz not e way u wan it..

sigh..nowadaes things r not wat i expect..like..i dunno..there r of course gd n bad surprises..
my frens n i got a rude shock during cca..cos our art piece was destroyed wehn someone placed his/her stuff on top of it:X..so we had 2 redo certain parts again..lucky cherlynn helped me..thks soo much once again:D..n we managed 2 finish it on time..n e l8r part was FUN!!!:D..we played games:D..thks 2 e comm who organised it:D..n my fren thot it was me who organise it xD..haha..sure not me lo..i am not so good in coming wif such fun games xD xD
played wacko..den e forfeit was banana dance..quite funny 2 watch e pair who kena perform..haha..den we played a game in grps..where we had 2 randomly hold diff ppl hands n try 2 untie e so called knot..my grp failed a few times..but in e end we managed 2 untie ourselves in abt 1 min!!haha..good job ppl;D..too bad we were not e 1st grp 2 finish..aww..
we sat in a circle on chairs..n 1 person will hav 2 stand..such tt in e circle there is 1 extra chair w/o anyone sitting on it..e others will hav 2 make sure e person does not get 2 sit on any empty chair..haha..den e pres n some others kena..haha..they hav 2 use their butts 2 write visual arts..lol..kept laughing:P..n we bully them..haha..esp e pres;P;P;P
yup..but there were bad stuffs tt happened lately..shall not talk too much into it..cos tis is not e rite place 2 say it:/

everyone has his/her own dark secrets tt we wont wanna say..n i noe some of these secrets r definitely abt something..i dun tink i would wanna noe wat is it abt..cos i dun hav a good feeling abt tis:/

nostalgia

sigh..i miss my frens from 4e1'08 lo..juz post some random pics..
grad dae 08:D


actually..there were supposed 2 b more pics..but my fren has not sent me those pics till now..argh!!so..i only hav 2 pics..sigh..
anyway..more pics!!:D





hey girl..i will definitely miss e times tt we had 2gether..i tink we hav an affinity
wif each other..cos we managed 2 do lotsa stuff 2gether..i will rmb e happy times we had 2gether..thks 4 being such a patient n wonderful fren..esp when u hav 2 always tolerate my nonsense n lame jokes;)..i noe i hav crossed over e limit sometimes..i might even hav hurt u accidentally..but i juz wanna tell u its becos i treat u as my fren..tt is why i am more willing 2 show most or all of my so called true self..cos i trusted u e most..we may hav taken diff paths..but i hope tt we can keep in contact..n mayb meet up somedae??n crap abt all e stuffs under e sun:D..i will rmb e times when u hav become crazy becos of me..joking wif me n such..i rmb e crazy stuffs tt we hav done 2gether..n e 1st dae of sch when u were e 1st new fren 2 talk 2 me;D
thk u once again..4 being wif me always..esp when i need u most:D:D:D..God bless:):)

bleah..

sometimes..we cannot control our destiny..we juz cant change e way we live..sigh..but i may b wrong..i dunno..
feeling very confused right now..i am accused of doing sth tt i didnt do..well..sort of..mayb i did do tt n pissed them off..but seriously..i REALLY cannot rmb anything like tt..haiz..mayb my memory is really tt bad??hope not..
gotta catch up real soon..now is unlike e past..last time..i am quite ok with lessons..i can at least understand most of e stuff..esp maths..of course not all e time though..now?i totally cannot understand certain topics..i stare at e notes 4 soo long still feel so blur..
i still feel tt my sec sch tchers r much better than jc tchers..they r e ideal tchers lo..strict yet caring..n at least i can understand wat they teach..most of e time..n u dun really hav probs wif hmk..like..u can finish very fast..now tutorials r dar difficult..stare at e qns soo long n yet u cannot understand e qns or u dunno wat 2 do..in e end..after many hrs..u didnt manage 2 finish..or mayb nvr do at all..feel so unproductive..e time so called wasted can actually b used 2 do other stuffs x(
oh well..better not talk too much..schedule is totally packed:(..gotta try b more productive now(ya rite)..rawr!!D:

wahaha..

ok..i noe my past posts r pretty emo..cos i hav been keeping e past n current grievances inside me..so i tink i should post them here..or else i will really end up in IMH..lol..cos there r some stuffs that had happened n i was pretty pissed off by those ppl..nah..shall not elaborate cos i am too angry 2 bring it up Dx
anyway..shall try 2 post sth more happy here..hahaha..anw family dae a wk ago was a little sian..cos we had 2 stay in sch 4 e whole dae..n there was actually nth much tt u can do xcept 2 sit ard e stall or walk ard..sigh..i did sth on tt dae i tink nobody actually knew..so i shall juz keep it a secret..sshhh;P..
but overall..we did a gd job in manning e stall..n i saw some ex-zhssrians!!!gosh..it was nice 2 see some of them..esp those whom i knew..i happened 2 see one downstairs n i was shrieking down at her..hahaa..so nice 2see some of them again..too bad i didnt invite any frens along..sad..oh well..it was fun 2 see some of our teachers getting dunked..haha..devil xP..like our ex og tutor n my cca in charge..hahaha..kudos 4 their courage..i will seriously back off if someone tried 2 dunk me xD xD xD..managed 2 catch up wif my fren:D..cos we had not talked 4 a looonnngg time..we only managed 2 say hi in sch most of e time..
n LJ was pretty enriching..cos i learnt tt it was not easy being e guide lo..some ppl dun even wan 2 listen..which is pretty sad..i noe it is very diff 2 appreciate art..cos i am one of them(very ironic)..it is ok if they dun understand but dun ask or they forget eveything at e end..but i tink they should at least give us e respect n at least show tt u r listening..i tink i dun really do a gd job as a guide..cos i did not make wateva i sae interesting..esp if my info is dry..sorry..i dunno how 2 make interesting presentations anyway..but i am glad tt e tchers like e keychains la..haha..at least our efforts paid off..n i gotta admit they r cute!!:D 3 cheers 4 LJ comm n art club!!woots!!:D:D:D
btw..has anyone found e summary table 4 econs??i cannot find in ivle leh!!HELP!!!
i am gonna b so dead..i am having lousy time management..argh!!
i juz dun understand..u hav changed..i cant figure out wat happened 2 u n why hav u become tis way..u r juz out 2 ruin urself n ppl ard u

oh..life..

i tink u ony treat me like a substitute n a toy..
i dun mean anything 2 u at all..
i only mean sth 2 u becos i help u when u need help..or becos u can hav a sense of satsifaction upon helping me when i need help
when u r having a time of ur life wif others..u throw me one side..not considering my feelings at all..
like hello??!!i am a human..i hav feelings juz like u!!
wat if i also ignore u??how would u feel??
i had tried 2 include u in almost everything i do..but..oh well..u juz dun care a darn abt my feelings at all..u ended up leaving me out..(hao xin mei hao bao)
so i hav e rite not 2 care abt ur feelings..i dun care if u tink i am a wet blanket..or even if i am a jinx..:D..since u also dun care if i would feel awkward or not..
u r e type who xi xin yan jiu..got sth new only den dun wan sth old..
u juz luv 2 take advantage of me..am i so good 2 b bullied??!!
juz becos i got bullied in my pri sch b4 does not mean tt u hav 2 hurt me AGAIN rite??!!u r juz adding salt 2 my wounds..dun u even noe tt??!!
i dun tink u will noe anyway..cos u juz cant b bothered-.-
i may b wrong..i may even b like u in some way..
but let me tell u..u r juz being insensitive n cold hearted..get it??:D
i dun care if i am a loner or not..cos i tink tis is wat i am meant 2 b..
i am not angry becos i am e odd one out..but becos u show urself 2 b insensitive..
FINE!!if u dun like me or u wan me 2 get out of ur life..SAY SO EARLIER LA!!!..AT LEAST TT WILL NOT HURT ME FURTHER!!WHY DO U WAN 2 TORTURE ME??!!Dx
i feel like going down on my knees n beg u 2 juz GET OUT OF MY LIFE MAN!!>.<
n let me u another thing..I AM SO DISAPPOINTED IN U!!!!!WAT KIND OF A FREN R U???!!!D: D: D: D: D: D: D: D: D: D:

tis is just not me..

i am just not myself nowadaes
i am just not feeling e way i should
i feel tt i am e total opp of wat i used 2 b
i feel tt i am a hypocrite..like wat some ppl actually said abt me
i thot i can prove em wrong
i thot i wont change so easily unlike some ppl
but i tink wat those ppl said abt me being hypocritical is soo true..
but i tink tt i actually change soo much..more -vely than +vely..
i may have hav changed soo much more -vely than i hav imagined
i may even hav become a dread/thorn in e flesh/dirt/slime/anything tt is gross/disgusting/dirty etc etc etc 2 everyone whom i hav met..
i guess i am actually meant 2 b like those things mentioned above..
i guess i am supposed 2 b a lone freak ostracised/disliked/hated by others..
i put on a pretence..being someone else instead of being juz me..
i put on a mask..pretending 2 b someone "nice" n entertaining..
i assumed tt by doing so can please more ppl..mayb even make more frens..
i assumed tt i can make myself happy by making ppl laugh like crazy at my super lame jokes
but i tink i ended up pissing more ppl off..getting offended at my jokes
but i tink tt is when e phrases"empty vessel makes e most noise" n "silence is golden"are TOTALLY true..
so i tink i should juz control my horrible mouth n SHUT UP(or mayb talk less 4 a start)..
so i tink i should juz heck care n show others who i really am..
tt is e way i am supposed 2 b..silent..not humourous n entertaining..etc..etc..etc
tt should b e way i am meant 2 lead my lone life..get stuck in my own world n shut myself off from others..
who cares a darn abt my life anyway???
who cares if i am a loner or not..cos everyone else will b leading their own lives wif their own frens n families..n i dun hav e rite 2 interfere wif their lives..
i juz cannot trust anyone..not even those whor close 2 me(sorry 2 those whom i hav offended in some way or another)
i juz cannot b someone else..i am sick n tired of having 2 act a totally diff person..i wan 2 stop all tis pretence n be myself..
i wan 2 snap out of my moooody mood n lead life e way i wan it..
i wan 2 stop always being in a horribly baaaad mood becos i am upset of trying 2 tink of ways 2 make ppl happy n not being satisfied later cos i juz cant constantly please them..it is simply draining away my time n effort..
i wish i can juz go 2 some quiet n high place far far away n SCREAM!!(n of course admire e beautiful sceneries at e bottom)
i wish i could do wat i always wanted 2 do..like curling at a cosy corner of my room n make cute n pretty handicrafts instead of always getting cooped up in sch or at home mugging everydae n getting stressed up by lousy results or heavy workload or e too-fast pace as a result..provided if i got a choice n unlimited time..0 opp cost of time tt is..(actually i am ok wif studying provided if i am allowed 2 study at my own pace..lol..since when i hav become a study freak??!!oh no!!)
in short,i dun care if ppl like me e way i am or not..
in short,i wan 2 stop bearing e burden of being someone else..cos now i am getting REALLY tired n upset abt not being me
haizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..x(

......

haha..dunno wat 2 put 4 e title so i will juz leave it tis way..lol xD
yesterdae was 10/09's bdae..haha..quite interesting lo..cos we were supposed 2 hav mass civics..but we ended up crapping among ourselves n also taking photos..cos there was almost nobody in e audi..so we had e aircon n space 2 ourselves..hahaha..but e photos r not wif me..lol..
den we went 2 home room..bu tour pdg tutor not there..so e class played violence game..haha..everyone got hit until pain sia..haha..very fun leh..;D;D
family dae tis sun!!cannot wait!!:D